If you are dating over 40, 50 or beyond, you ought to learn how to handle your baggage on dates. That nasty divorce, the bankruptcy, your high maintenance child, an STD or some other health problem…these are just some of the common products of a rich and varied, well-lived life. Premature Baggage Bonding, or PBB, is a first-date trap that I see as the most common mistake made by singles dating in their 40s, 50s and beyond. Men and women do it equally, and falling into the trap is easy. Sadly, premature baggage bonding kills the potential for countless would-be wonderful relationships. The talk begins about your horrific ex-spouses. How they were alcoholics, or cheated on you or were bad with money. Maybe PBB begins when you proudly share your sobriety and start sharing about your history of addiction.
5 signs you have too much baggage for a relationship
One of the toughest things about dating is slowly uncovering the secrets in our past that we may not be not proud of or personality traits that may not work well together. It’s not easy figuring out how to deal with relationship baggage , especially if you’re still in the honeymoon phase. After all, it’s so much more comfortable believing that your partner is this perfect person who’s never been bitter about life or made any mistakes.
But that’s not reality.
Watch Baggage on Game Show Network! Jerry Springer hosts this dating game show where one dater chooses among three contestants who reveal quirky and.
My clients often tell me they are seeking someone with little or no emotional baggage. Yes, it can make for a simpler life if there are no ex-wives to negotiate with, no child support to pay, no illnesses or emotional issues to deal with. But if you are a certain age, hopefully, you have lived your life and experienced as much as possible. However, sometimes a little emotional baggage can make a person very interesting. If handled well, it can even make us stronger in a relationship — rather than turning into a relationship deal breaker.
So don’t be so quick to write someone off because of a bit of extra luggage. That’s why it’s important to understand what works for you in a relationship — and what won’t. If this person thinks he “knows” you after just a few hours or even just a few dates, then he’s not interested in the real you. He’s just interested in having somebody. This person might turn out to be a stalker or worse. You’re better off alone than with someone who wants to be intimate too soon.
I know we all have our “dream man” or “perfect woman” pictured in our heads. Conversely, do you really want to be with someone who finds you sexy but could care less about the person inside? Looks are fleeting.
After all, it’s so much more comfortable believing that your partner is this perfect person who’s never divorced bitter about life or made any mistakes. But thathas not reality. There are many different types of emotional baggage that your partner or you may tug along into the romance. Some people may act in a certain way because of things that happened in their previous emotional relationships. For instance, if your partner’s divorced cheated on especially multiple times , that can lead to anxiety and trust issues between the two of you.
Dating the Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide if He’s Right for You – Kindle edition by Hartman, Christie. Download it once and read it on your.
Baggage is something to avoid in relationships, right? Not really. We all have some, but we try our best to hide it. Go ahead and date the sexy guy you just met who seems a little broken. Imagine the freedom of not having to hide everything and still being liked. Does he have problems going back to the restaurant where the woman he thought loved him was caught cheating?
Trust Issues and Tinder
Guest Contributor. It happened with one of my female friends. It was the DOP who made the first move, who persisted until my friend gladly gave in; they had a short-lived but feisty affair lasting for only about a month or so. The brevity of the relationship should in no way be equated to lack of seriousness. How do you deal with a partner who carries too much emotional baggage —of the past, of present discrepancies, and of future anxious anticipations?
How do you decide whether your partner is visibly disturbed or not?
Speaking from experience, if you are dating a mommy’s boy, stop. unless you don’t mind his mom being a third person in your relationship.
All of us have things about our past that we have thrown into our closets. When people come over to our home they think our homes are clean. But if they looked into our closets they would see lots of junk and probably things that should be thrown away. And so it is with us. Behind what people see on the surface is baggage. How do we discern who we should share our baggage with, when to share it and how much we should share?
The idea here is full disclosure from the get-go! Well, what are the advantages to this? One disadvantage is that you may scare the person away by sharing so much so soon and the person may not take the opportunity to get to know you for who you are today and judge you based on the experiences of your past. A second disadvantage is that if you date multiple people over a period of time then there is the potential that several people know intimate details about your life that are really only intended for one person to know.
A second disadvantage here is that when you decide to dump your baggage and we all have some on someone it can be very difficult for them to deal with all at one time.
How to Handle Your Baggage When Dating after 40
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
But baggage doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is destined for catastrophe—if you deal with it in a healthy way. It’s not a bad thing to take a.
Most people carry some kind of wound from their past. But sometimes it can be anxiety-provoking to be with someone who we sense has emotional baggage. For people to feel comfortable sharing their past, they need to feel safe, and this can take some time. By asking yourself these questions first, you can become more attuned to what is happening for you before trying to elicit information from your partner. Furthermore, asking yourself these questions will help you determine whether you should even be dating your partner in the first place.
You are his girlfriend, not his therapist. By employing these practices, you can begin to look at and unpack what you need for yourself and from your partner. Photo Credit: Vine and Light. What do you do when you fall for the guy who is off limits? This self-reflection exercise will help you feel more comfortable about sharing painful experiences from the past. Get ready to see a whole new side of him on that annual family beach trip!
Check your baggage: It’s the men’s turn to offer dating complaints
You finally have found him at long last: the one. However, as your relationship develops and you start to peel back the layers, you may not always like what you find. As you learn more about his past, you could start to wonder how much emotional baggage is too much? Reversely, there may be some concerns about your own relationship history. Addressing emotional baggage immediately can help you decide if your best bet is to walk away or fight for your new found relationship.
Would you date her? Fella 2: Probably not. I heard she carries a lot of baggage. 1) Jack is looking for baggage in a relationship kids, drugs, debt, and.
Want to share yours? Email pitches to itscomplicated nymag. So one night after my kids were in bed, I enlisted the help of a friend and some liquid courage, and I made myself a blatantly honest, completely straightforward online dating profile — no spin, no filters. Each and every time, I found myself struggling to keep my anxiety in check as I stumbled through an explanation for something I assumed my date already knew. Things listed front and center in my online profile were treated as total revelations, and usually not for the better:.
How can you be a vegetarian? What about bacon?!
Dating In Debt: Why More People Are Saying No To Toxic Financial Baggage
Carol Dix. Dating author Carol Dix on why you should let the past be another country when you’re first getting to know someone new. There’s something about dating that can bring out the irrational, terrified or even gloomy in many of us. As one very attractive woman in her late 50s said to me: ‘There we all are, putting the best possible spin on ourselves to a cyberspace full of strangers, desperately hiding our warts.
All is going well. Getting to know each other in this capacity is easy. What do you do for a living? Where have you travelled? But then it arrives. The dreaded question, seemingly inconspicuous and masking as inconsequential. Harmless enough, I know.